Children Cost a Lot to Raise (but Grandparents' Love is FREE!)

Dear Child,

 Today was Saturday, so we got to hang out all day. Weekends are wonderful like that. But come Monday, it's back to the 9-to-5 grind for both your mother and I. After all, these bills aren't going to pay themselves!

This probably isn't going to be news to you, but kids are expensive. I'm not singling you out in particular (although you sure eat a lot!); kids in general cost a lot to raise, from things like diapers and doctor's appointments to new clothes and toys. But have you ever stopped to think about how costly childcare is?

Allhusen et al. (2006) paint a pretty dire picture of childcare costs in the United States. This was written back in 2006, but I think that it still rings true today:

"The Utopian view of the two-parent nuclear family living in the suburbs with father working nine to five while mother baked cookies and children played happily...has been replaced. Today, when there are cookies they are baked at midnight or bought at the grocery store (also, perhaps, at midnight)....the mother is likely to have hung up her apron and found paid employment...either by choice or by economic necessity."

Photo credit: H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock/Getty Images

Not exactly a scene out of Leave It To Beaver, is it?  Sometimes I wonder how your mom and I survived those early years. Back when you were two years old, our childcare costs back then averaged out to $3,050 per month. For context, $3,050 was more than the costs of our mortgage, groceries, auto insurance, and gas money....combined! This is in-line with research from November 2018 by the Center for American Progress. Strikingly, they found that:

"...in no state does the cost of center-based infant or toddler child care meet the federal definition of affordable—no more than 7 percent of annual household income. In 12 states, the cost of child care for just one infant exceeds 20 percent of the state median income."

Given these stark numbers, it'll probably come as no surprise to you that lots of young parents just cannot afford good childcare. Sure, some folks with accommodating managers or part-time flexibility are able to make it work. But many are forced down a different path entirely, pushed into the precarious world of self-employment in the gig economy (Conroy, 2019). The hours are long (stuff like driving an Uber or freelance writing after the kids are in bed), but it's often the only way to make the math work out. The saddest part is that these are often brilliant, hardworking people who just can't earn enough money in their day jobs (Ruppanner et al., 2019). 

Photo Credit: ThinkStock/Getty Images

So why exactly am I ranting on and on about this? Well, let me share a secret with you. The absolute only way that your mom and I could balance our finances (fun fact: I was in graduate school too) and careers was your grandparents helping out. For example, when your mom and I both had work but you were spiking a fever high enough that you couldn't go to daycare? Grandma's got it. School's on break for a week, but mom and dad can't spare any more vacation days? Grandpa's happy to use one of his! 

Now, this isn't some unique, clandestine arrangement we utilized; lots of kids you grew up with had their grandparents helping out at least part-time as well. Park et al. (2019) write eloquently about relative-provided childcare and the lifeline it provides to young working parents. In short, having relatives around to help care for children frees parents up to have more time to be in school, advance their careers, and just earn money to invest in their children's lives.

I hope that by the time you're reading this, you're still close with your grandparents. Do you remember them playing a big role in your life growing up? Do you remember overhearing your mom and I talking about money? What about your friends? I wonder what they'd think about all this. Please let me know what you think.

Sincerely,
Your (Suburban) Dad

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References:

Allhusen, V. D., & Clarke-Stewart, K. A. (2006). Childcare in the United States: Characteristics and consequences. In Early Childhood Care & Education (pp. 15-34). Routledge.
Workman, S., & Jessen-Howard, S. (2018, November 15). Understanding the True Cost of Child Care for Infants and Toddlers. Retrieved February 28, 2020, from https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/early-childhood/reports/2018/11/15/460970/understanding-true-cost-child-care-infants-toddlers.

Conroy, T. (2019). The kids are alright: working women, schedule flexibility and childcare. Regional Studies, 53(2), 261-271.
Ruppanner, L., Moller, S., & Sayer, L. (2019). Expensive Childcare and Short School Days= Lower Maternal Employment and More Time in Childcare? Evidence from the American Time Use Survey. Socius, 5, 2378023119860277.
Park, H., Zhan, M., & Choi, S. (2019). Associations between after-school arrangements and labour conditions of low-income working mothers in the United States. Journal of Family Studies, 1-18.