The Myriad Benefits Enjoyed by Multigenerational Families

Dear Child,

This may come as a surprise to you, but I wasn't always close with your grandparents. Like a lot of other folks, I grew a lot closer with my parents only after becoming a parent myself. You already know a bit about how helpful grandparents can be with childcare, but there's a multitude of other benefits to mental health, social capital, and free time that multigenerational families enjoy. Here are a few highlights that I hope you'll consider when your mom and I are old and empty nested...

Mental Health:
The first year of parenthood is really, really hard. Things go from exciting and joyous to chaos and exhaustion in a matter of weeks. Once your friends stop coming by to drop off meals and to fawn at the new baby, it's just you and your partner trying to survive! Postpartum depression is such a real, underreported issue that tens of thousands of women struggle with silently (Cheng et al., 2006). 

Photo Credit: VectorStock

So what do you do? Well, for us, our answer was to invite one of your grandparents to live with us. Simply put, having an extra adult around to help out can be an absolute lifeline for young families. As Piontak (2016) writes:

"These findings suggest that for mothers cohabitating with their romantic partners, living in a multigenerational household for the first year of the focal child’s life is associated with lower levels of maternal depression...... [living in] multigenerational households could mean lower rates of depression."

The loss of control that every new parent feels (laundry needs to be folded, dishes need to be washed, baby isn't napping well...and it's only 11:02AM on a Monday) can be overwhelming and emotionally destructive. Your mother and I invited your Ahma to live with us for a month after you were born to help keep things under control, and in hindsight it was the only thing that kept all of us sane. Plus Ahma got to enjoy all the time she wanted with her new granddaughter! Piontak (2016) continues:

"Mothers live in multigenerational households to alleviate some of the problems commonly faced by mothers of young children, such as child care problems, financial struggles, or a need for emotional support"

Photo Credit: Observations From a Simple Life (2017)

Family Social Capital:
The social capital that we've enjoyed pooling together with your grandparents has also been unimaginably valuable. What do I mean by "family social capital?" Well, first there's the sheer luxury of having an on-demand babysitter nearby 24/7! More academically put, it's the benefit of being able "...to consolidate resources in times of need over space, place and time" (Maye-Banbury & McNally, 2020).

There's also so much unquantifiable wealth in culture, warmth, and tradition that counts towards family social capital. I'm talking about the delicious family recipes, the exposure and maintenance of second and third languages as Braun (2012) describes (Mandarin Chinese and Taiwanese, in your case), and of course simply enjoying the unique bond that exists between grandparents and grandkids. To be honest, at the end of the day, your Ahma really just enjoyed taking part in being in our growing family! Something about the hustle and bustle of a young family made her miss raising your mom and her two siblings. Maye-Banbury & McNally (2020) continue:

"[these factors] highlight the relevance of network centrality, shared family values, an awareness of the natural life cycle and the importance of family ‘social capital bank’ in promoting the overall cohesion of the MGH"

Now, things weren't always sunshine and rainbows. Our little 960 square foot condo wasn't exactly a suite at the Ritz Carlton; it could get a bit cramped at times when we didn't have space to ourselves. Lots of families actually report more problems and fights when grandparents live with them -- and a lot of grandparents frankly can't handle the stress of co-parenting young kids (Kelley, 1996). But I wouldn't trade those years for anything.

What do you think about the idea of family social capital? Do you remember Ahma being a helpful, grounding force in our house? Did your friends from high school and college grow up with their grandparents? What were their experiences like?

Sincerely,
Your (Suburban) Dad
___________

References:
Braun, A. (2012). Language maintenance in trilingual families–a focus on grandparents. International Journal of Multilingualism, 9(4), 423-436.

Cheng, C. Y., Fowles, E. R., & Walker, L. O. (2006). Postpartum maternal health care in the United States: A critical review. The Journal of Perinatal Education, 15(3), 34.

Kelley, S. J. (1993). Caregiver stress in grandparents raising grandchildren. Image: The Journal of Nursing Scholarship, 25(4), 331-337.

Maye-Banbury, A., & McNally, M. (2020). Fortifying futures: how older boomerangers in English multigenerational households boost resilience through social capital accumulation and distribution. Housing Studies, 35(3), 439-458.

Piontak, J. R. (2016). Household composition and maternal depression: examining the role of multigenerational households. Journal of Family Issues, 37(7), 947-969.